Is Your Need For Control Keeping You Small?


Our relationships with women can be complicated, often born into competition and envy over image, popularity, success. Feeling like we have to fight to maintain our position. Feeling better- or worse-than others.

We are stuck in a patriarchal mindset where we feel our value lies in how we are seen and so we strive for control and perfection.

Some of us cling to control of how we perceived physically - we feel our body is letting us down and we need to perfect it. We focus on losing that extra ten pounds, ‘only then’ will we be ready for happiness and success.

Some of cling to control of how we’re perceived mentally, we need to be seen as successful, intelligent, top of the class, first in line for promotion, and it keeps us small.

In both cases we don’t take challenges for fear of being seen, caught out. Suddenly the world will realise we’re not beautiful or clever and we won’t have a place in it anymore.

And this impacts how we see other women, they are often a threat to our self-image and challenge to our view of what’s possible for ourselves… and so we compete, we bitch, we belittle, or we shrink ourselves thinking we can never have what they have.

And in all of this we deny our sovereignty and that of other women. And in failing to be in approval of ourselves we get trapped in a box that’s too small for our dreams.

Sometimes we live in our ‘False Queen’, she’s the version of us when we’re vain, jealous, and keep others at arm’s length. We can’t enjoy other’s success as it threatens our self-image and we feel we’re not enough. Suddenly the bar we’re supposed to meet just got even higher. And she’s also the martyr, the part of you that wants others to pay homage to all the extraordinary efforts you’re making and wonders why everyone isn’t more grateful.

The alternative is the ‘True Queen’, this is a woman in her ‘conscious femininity’, she sees the cost of the desire for control and perfection and wants another way. Her power lies in realness and rawness, messy imperfection and deep honesty. She knows this is her at her most enrolling. This is when her relationships feel like they’re between equals. When someone else’s crown shining bright is simply a cause for celebration.

In letting go of control and the need to know what happens next, she creates space for magic and a future better than she can even imagine.

It is truly a radical act to let go of the need to be seen in a certain way; you are quite literally walking away from centuries of conditioning. It requires a deep sense of trust in yourself and the world around you, and when the painful cost of the control becomes clear there’s no alternative to taking the leap.

But when we do this as women together we become unstoppable, and that’s why it’s so important to find your tribe. And I’m so grateful you’re all in this Electric tribe - you all support me, and I know you support each other.


Nikki x

Nikki ArmytageComment