The Miss Guideds - Which one are you?
We all have inner-critics – ‘Miss Guideds’ that are not aligned with who we really are or the true vision we have for our lives. Becoming aware of how we hold ourselves back is the first step.
Do you recognise any of your struggles, negativity and fear in these Miss Guideds below? Which one do you most identify with? (It may be a number of them). These are six of the most common ways modern women self-sabotage.
She says: “Be the best in whatever you do. Set your standards high and don’t compromise them. Don’t show anyone your vulnerability or allow them to see the real you. The real you is weak and this is unattractive. You need to be striving constantly to be a better version of yourself. If you’re not perfect at whatever you do, you’re wasting your time.”
Her effect on you: You compare yourself to unrealistic expectations of how you’re meant to be. You often procrastinate as you’re waiting for that day when you are perfect. You feel you need to control everything – your image, your work, your relationship.
MISS LITTLE GIRL
She says: “Don’t step out of your comfort zone – you’re not ready. You don’t want to get hurt or embarrass yourself. Stay safe, be a good girl, please others. Get other people’s approval first as you’ll make the wrong decision if you do it alone. You’re a fraud. Keep a low profile, don’t speak up.”
Her effect on you: You play small and don’t go after what you want. You wait, looking externally for the answers and approval from other people. You lack self-belief and conviction in your choices. You appear confused, with no clear direction.
She says: “You must work harder and prove yourself. Achievement and being a success is your priority. Be productive all the time and don’t stop as there is always more to be done. There’s no time to waste, so you and your personal life will just have to wait. You are too busy to worry about others. You can do this alone, you must be strong."
Her effect on you: All work and no play can give you a high yet it can make you feel empty and exhausted. You put up walls and become obsessed with proving yourself. The energy of this can appear frantic and always on the go.
She says: “Don’t be yourself. Don’t have bold aspirations or plans for a life that doesn’t fit with convention or what’s “expected.” If you do things differently, others will criticise you. Say what people want to hear, be who you think you “should be” in order to be acceptable and successful.
Her effect on you: You feel panic about getting older. You fear the societal expectations and timeline, and if you do things differently, you won’t be accepted in your choices. You make yourself wrong for wanting to do things differently, with fear that if you stand in your truth you will be standing alone.
She says: "You’re pathetic. You’re too _____ (fill in the blank - fat/stupid/ugly/worthless/incapable/lazy). You’re not important at all and don’t bother trying to change. You’re not up to it and you won’t make it. You’ll never be as good as the others."
Her effect on you: You make yourself wrong and go into a spiral of negative self talk. You lose focus and motivation on your ambition and goals. You turn to something else to numb out the way you feel. You judge others because you are such a harsh judge on yourself.
She says: "There's no point trying to write your book / start a business/ (fill in the blank) now. You haven't got time to focus on this, plus others have done it already, there's no room for you. They're more successful than you could ever be. Leave it for now and revisit it later when you are more qualified and have more experience. Right now, it's too much work and you won't have the confidence to see it through."
Her effect on you: You dream about 'one day' but you don't follow through. The dream never becomes real. You keep your work hidden away, you fantasise about it but don't allow yourself to truly go for it. The stop-start makes you feel worse, so you stop. You are fighting the dream that wants to become a reality.
An Electric Woman learns how to manage her Miss Guided so she is leading from her power rather than her fear. Eventually, she makes peace with her fears, shame and negativity, and this new way of being leads to greater wisdom and clarity in her purpose. She is able to see how to use her Miss Guided to empower her mission.
If you want to find out how, you can start your Electric Woman journey through our Electric 9 programme or 1-1 coaching.